Super Soul Sunday - Johari Window

For today, I wanted to share with everyone something that I really love and go back to everytime things get a little complicated in my life - 'The Johari window'.

The Johari Window was created by two American psychologists, Joseph Luft (1916–2014) and Harrington Ingham (1914–1995) in 1955 and is a technique used to help people better understand their relationship with themselves as well as others. It is used primarily in self-help groups and corporate settings as a heuristic exercise.

I first learned about this when I watched BET’s Being Mary Jane on an episode and decided to take time and learn about myself.  It helps you describe yourself from a fixed list of adjectives, then asking your friends and colleagues to help describe you from the same list and at the end of it, you will have a Johari Window.

This model is simple and it helps in improving self-awareness, and mutual understanding between individuals within a group. So here are the 4 quadrants in the Johari Window:

1. Open - Known to All
2. Blind - Known to Others
3. Hidden - Known to only Myself
4. Unknown - Known to No One

If you want to try this - please go to to take a test and see where you stand and ask friends to help you. 

Here is an example of a Johari Window.

Coping with Stress

The best way to manage your stress is to learn healthy coping strategies.

They always say that the best ways to manage stress is by focusing on relaxing your mind and your body. This can be done through:

• Writing and journaling. It may help to write about things that are bothering you. Write for 10 to 15 minutes a day about stressful events and how they made you feel. Or think about tracking your stress. This helps you find out what is causing your stress and how much stress you feel. After you know, you can find better ways to cope.
•  Let your feelings out. Talk, laugh, cry, and express anger when you need to. Talking with friends, family, a counselor, or a member of the clergy about your feelings is a healthy way to relieve stress.
• Focus on the present. Meditation really helps your mind to relax and focus.
• Do something you enjoy. You may feel that you're too busy to do these things. But making time to do something you enjoy can help you relax. It might also help you get more done in other areas of your life. Try:

1. A hobby, such as gardening.
2. Buying shoes (thats me)
3. Working out - After a long day, I always go to the gym
4. Try taking a walk to see nature
5. A creative activity, such as writing, crafts, or art.
6. Playing with and caring for pets.
7. Volunteer work.
   
   

   

   Image Source https://www.pinterest.com/pin/208150814001004135/

Longhand Sonoma Coast Pinot Noir

What wine am I loving now? Longhand Sonoma Coast Pinot Noir and what’s fun is I get it at BevMo for $29.95 and $0.05 cents for a second bottle making it $30 for 2. You cannot beat that! Thank you BevMo!

This wine is from Sonoma Coast here in California by Longhand. It is a Pinot Noir  and it has a little bit of dried strawberry and sweet earth with an elegant finish.

Why do I love it? It is a friendly wine. Its mellow, flavorful with no bite and easy to drink but also one of those wines that are easy to get for everyday visitors. Call it an every day decent pinot noir.

Super Soul Sunday - Tinybuddha (40 ways to live, laugh and love like a child)

For this Super Soul Sunday, I wanted to share this post with you. You can ready more at tinybuddha.com. This was written by Laura Tong.

How to Live, Laugh and Love Like a Child

1. Belly laugh at your own jokes.

Give your happiness a double boost by delighting in your own unique sense of humor.

2. Hop, skip, and run.

Instantly halt worry with the enjoyable distraction of moving your body in fun ways.

3. Believe you have super powers.

Call on your amazing inner store of talent, knowledge, and intuition to feel superhero invincible and stay blissfully upbeat no matter what the day throws your way. “All the wonders you seek are within yourself.” ~Sir Thomas Browne

4.Giggle with friends.

Build heart-warming, life-long relationships and a treasure of great memories with fun, giggle-making get-togethers.

5. Ride a chariot.

Whiz along on a shopping cart or anything with wheels for a gleeful ride that will blow any earnest thoughts from your mind.

6. Holler, “Me! Me! Me!”

Trust good things will happen, and put your hand up for every opportunity that comes your way.

7. Jump into the circle.

Join in with any fabulous fun around you without waiting to be asked. You’re bound to form some great new relationships with like-minded good-timers.

8. Demand, “Why not?”

Argue back against any limiting thoughts regarding your chances of happily succeeding with any ideas or plans you have for the life you dream of.

9. Radiate joy.

Let your presence spread happiness to others by the infectious nature of your joy.

10. Clown about.

Brighten up your day by acting out any daft idea that strikes you—the sillier the better.

11. Be impulsive sometimes.

Follow your gut instead of overthinking. It’s a great way to find what truly motivates and inspires you.

12. Jump up and down.

Encourage feelings of excitement to bubble up more often by giving them glorious, physical free rein. Others will fall in love with this hugely appealing quality.

13. Be a rebel.

Question every wretched rule that hampers your precious happiness. Realize consequences are mostly imagined.

14. Talk nonsense.

“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells.” ~Dr. Seuss

15. Sing happy birthday.

Give yourself the gorgeous gift of looking forward to birthdays (even the “big” ones!) by focusing on sharing, receiving, and celebrating all you’ve contributed in the past twelve months.

16. Do a twirl.

Pander to your creative flair for a brilliant mood-boost by wearing exactly what you fancy, unrestricted by any concerns for color matching or trends.

17. Dress it up.

Delve into your dressing up box to turn unavoidable chores into fun, let-me-at-‘em tasks by completing them while regaled in fantastically outrageous items that instantly lift your spirits.

18. Boogie on down.

“Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn’t music.” ~William Stafford

19. Eat jam from the jar.

Bypass the rules every now and then if you see a happiness-boosting opportunity, and it won’t hurt anyone else.

20. Splish splash through puddles.

Take a break from meaningful activities to relax by being deliciously frivolous.

21. Banish bedtime blues.

Play late into the night if you’re having fun; you’ll sleep better for it and wake up feeling super positive.

22. Hug your friends.

Lavish love and affection on the people who make your world a great place to live.

23. Burst into song.

Sing lustily when a tune pops into your head to bring on feelings of pure joy.

24. Chatter to yourself.

Have upbeat conversations with yourself out loud to silence your inner critic. Kid’s don’t have an inner monolog and get things out in the open – much more healthy.

25. Have a powwow.

Don’t be self-conscious about asking for help from strangers. Discussing your problems in a positive way with someone else not only finds a solution faster but also can find a new friend as well.

26. Splash in the bath.

Get super playful with mundane events to make these supremely enjoyable.

27. Camp out.

Build an overnight den in the yard or even in the lounge for an exciting change of routine that will keep your thinking patterns fresh.

28. Stamp your foot.

Be strong over matters that are important to you. No one has the right to steal your, or a child’s, happiness.

29. Blurt out, “I love you.”

Love at face value. Don’t be shy about telling those you cherish just how much they mean to you.

30. Say sorry.

Be the first to quickly repair any relationship breakdowns for a lifetime of loving support and a million happy memories.

31. Play with your food.

Make meal times fun again by dining in playful settings and choosing menu options you associate with celebrations, holidays, and picnics.

32. Trust a stranger.

Rekindle unconscious, natural behaviors by talking to people you’ve never met. You’ll be amazed by how much you light up their day and what you learn along the way.

33. Be boastful.

Be proud of every little success each day, and give yourself a gorgeous reward that encourages you to keep going.

34. Refuse to tidy your room.

Leave tasks unfinished when you’ve had enough in favor of an activity that will give your happiness a super boost.

35. Ask for the world.

Be cheeky, and ask for something seemingly outrageous if it’s important to your joyful well-being.

36. Point with awe.

Re-discover how awesome the everyday world is around you.“There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child. There are seven million.” ~Walt Streightiff

37. Create chaos.

Get messy, big, and bright! Focus on fully enjoying any activity you choose so that you can encourage carefree thinking and let go of needing to control the result.

38. Be queen (or king) of your kingdom.

Rule your own imaginary world and let some of that feel-good fantasy rub off in the real world. “Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.” ~Albert Einstein

39. Please yourself.

Leave dull, unimportant tasks till later, and make time for the things that truly matter to you.

40. Slay the dragon.

Believe in fairy tale endings by casting yourself as the heroine or hero in your own true life story. Act this out for an incredible life of happiness. “If children ran the world, it would be a place of eternal bliss and cheer.” ~Peter David
—
Forever stressing through all the pressures of adulthood is exhausting.

The relentless demands on your time and physical and emotional wellbeing leave you feeling totally wrung out.

Your natural energy and enthusiasm have totally lost their sparkle.
But small, simple actions toward rediscovering your sunshine can help you burst with the joy of being a kid again.

Consciously choosing a child-like approach brings incredibly carefree times that you can build on.
Rekindle your natural inner child. Giggle, guff, snort, and chortle until pure joy runs out your nose.

Live, love, and laugh like you never lost the magic.

And wake up feeling as if every day is the first day or your childhood.

Advice For When There Is No One to Act as Mentor

I got this post from LinkedIn Pulse. You can read it here "Advice For When There Is No One to Act as Mentor".  It was written by Deborah Norville. This is really important to me because of the role my mentor has played in my life.  

Follow and Emulate People You Admire
 
I made a point of studying the careers and following the work of people in my profession whose work and career path I hoped to replicate. Those were the days before the Internet, so that meant scouring magazines and reading newspapers from around the country for feature stories on the journalists I admired. At my local library, I handed over a nickel per page to copy these articles, which formed an "inspiration library" that I  would read whenever my spirits would flag. The process had the added benefit of helping hone my research skills, something any reporter hoping to advance needs.

There are also many ways to get mentored. Even if there is no person with the time or inclination to act as a sounding board, you can use the Internet to replicate a lot of the advice you might have received.

Watch the "How I Got My Start" videos of the key people in your field — and be sure to look for the stories of people a few rungs down the success ladder. Comment if appropriate and consider reaching out to the individual if something they said was particularly impactful to you. You might be surprised how many high-level people are actually accessible.

Follow the social media feeds of inspirational business leaders and entrepreneurs. Not all of the messages will have direct impact on your individual goals, but a steady diet of uplifting messages can help keep you stoked despite inevitable setbacks.

Get skilled. As you study the paths of successful people in your field, do they mention skills that you don't have? Look to online learning to obtain them or invest in some courses at local schools during your off time.

The point is that much of the guidance you would likely get from your mentor will become obvious as you dig deeper.

Take Chances to Get Noticed 

It’s hard to advance if no one knows who you are. If you want to get noticed, you’ve got to do something to bring the spotlight to you. Fortunately, there are many positive ways to do this – the best involve YOU going the extra mile. Most of us start out at the bottom of the office hierarchy – but that doesn’t mean you can’t be the best admin or mailroom clerk the company has ever seen.

My first reporting job had me in the newsroom beginning at 8:30 or 9 a.m. and working straight through the 11 p.m. news. I think I made $75 a day for that job — that’s probably illegal both then and now.

When I moved to Chicago, I volunteered to show up at work at 4 a.m. to anchor the local news breaks during the "Today" show. No one else wanted to do it – for me, it meant I was the first reporter in the newsroom and thus had a better shot at pitching an interesting story for that day’s newscast.

Volunteer for projects that will bring you in closer contact with key decision makers at your company. Does that really help? Just ask NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. He started out as an intern and later driver for then-NFL Commissioner Pete Rozell. Today some say he is the most important man in sports.

Many companies have affinity groups or after-hours events like company softball games. Don’t discount their potential benefits. That guy behind you batting clean-up might notice your all-out hustle on the field – and turn out to recommend you to his management peer who’s looking to beef up her division. 


Educate Yourself and Then Trust Your Gut 

One challenge of being your own mentor is it's easy to get stuck in "analysis paralysis." Resist the temptation to learn a "bit more."  Once you've armed yourself with information, it's time to act. Map out your game plan. Research has shown that simply committing your goals to paper increases the chance of achieving them. Make the connections or acquire the skills you need to move in the right career direction. Ask for meetings  — and when they happen, say THANK YOU. It is stunning how often people forget to simply say "thanks."  I will never forget the intern who got her spot because I ran interference for her — in three months’ time she never bothered to say thank you! It is not likely I will ever extend myself on her behalf again.  Fortunately she is a rare exception!

Pay It Forward 


Just because you don’t have a mentor doesn’t mean you can’t be one yourself. You will probably find as I have that helping others advance in their careers gives you the adrenaline to press forward in your own. More than 25 years ago, I helped my intern at NBC News make his first on-camera demo tape. Today he’s a top anchor on ESPN. Every time I see him on TV, my mood brightens. My intern at my old station in Chicago went on to become a top executive at CNN in Atlanta where she managed news coverage and created important news programs. A young woman I mentored outside of television now lives down South and through our periodic emails, I keep abreast of her success in her career – and in life.

Remember this: you may not have a mentor now — or even better, a sponsor, someone who actually extends themselves on your behalf — but that doesn’t mean you won’t have one going forward. If you take on some of the be-your-own-mentor assignments outlined here, a real-life mentor may materialize. There is a strong chance your focus and determination will catch the eye of someone who becomes a trusted sounding board for you. Becoming a mentee at that stage will be of even greater benefit because you’ll enter the relationship much more self-aware and able to reap the advantages of having meaningful engagement with your advisor. You will thrive in your career and your mentor can feel proud of the role they played in facilitating your success.

The Power of Gratititude

“Life should be lived with a little more GRATITUDE and a little less ATTITUDE.”

To read more, go to http://www.marcandangel.com/

1.  The more you are in a state of gratitude, the more you will attract things to be grateful for.

• Be grateful for what you have, and you’ll end up having more.
• Focus on what you don’t have, and you’ll never have enough.

2.  Being happy won’t always make you grateful, but being grateful will always make you happy.

• It’s nearly impossible to sincerely appreciate a moment and frown about it at the same time.
• To be happy right now doesn’t mean you don’t desire more, it means you’re grateful for what you have and patient for what’s yet to come.

3.  Gratitude fosters true forgiveness, which is when you can sincerely say, “Thank you for that experience.”

• It makes no sense to condemn or regret an important life lesson.
• Gratitude makes sense of yesterday, brings peace to the present, and creates a positive vision for tomorrow.

4.  You never need more than you have at any given moment.

• It has been said that the highest form of prayer is giving thanks.  Instead of praying ‘for’ things, give thanks for what you already have.
• When life gives you every reason to be negative, think of one good reason to be positive.  There’s always something to be grateful for.

5.  Gratitude is all-inclusive.

• Good days give you happiness and bad days give you wisdom.  Both are essential.
• Because all things have contributed to your advancement, you must include all things in your gratitude.  This is especially true of your relationships.  We meet no ordinary people in our lives; if you give them a chance, everyone has something important to teach you.

6.  What you have to be grateful for in the present changes.

• Be grateful for all you have now, because you honestly never know what will happen next.  What you have will eventually be what you had.
• Life changes every single day, and your blessings will gradually change along with it.

7.  A grateful mind never takes things for granted.

• What separates privilege from entitlement is gratitude.
• The circumstance (or person) you take for granted today may turn out to be the only one you need tomorrow.

8.  As you express your gratitude, you must not forget that the highest appreciation is not to simply utter words, but to live by them daily.

• What matters most is not what you say, but how you live.
• Don’t just say it, show it.  Don’t just promise it, prove it.

9.  Gratitude includes giving back.

• In the hustle of everyday life we hardly realize how much more we receive than give, and life cannot be rich without such gratitude.
• It is so easy to overestimate the importance of our own achievements compared with what we owe to the aid of others.

10.  The highest tribute to the people and circumstances you’ve lost is not grief but gratitude.

• Just because something didn’t last forever, doesn’t mean it wasn’t the greatest gift imaginable.
• Be thankful that your paths crossed and that you got the chance to experience something wonderful.

11.  To be truly grateful, you must be truly present.

• Count the blessings in your life, and start with the breath you’re taking right now.
• We often forget that the greatest miracle is not to walk on water; the greatest miracle is to walk on this green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment, appreciating it and feeling completely alive.

12.  Letting go of control multiplies the potential for gratitude.

• Sometimes we put too much weight into trying to control every tiny aspect of our lives that we completely miss the forest for the trees.
• Learn to let go, relax a bit and ride the path that life takes you sometimes.  Try something new, be fearless, but above all else, do your best and be OK with it.  Clearing yourself of needless expectations lets you truly experience the unexpected.  And the greatest joys in life are often the unexpected surprises and opportunities you never anticipated.
  
  

A Way to Get Fit and Also Have Fun - By Gretchen Reynolds

This article was written on New York Times. To read more, go to A way to get fit and also have fun.

"Can exercise that is intense also be fun? 

Researchers in Denmark recently began delving into that issue and in the process developed a new approach to intense interval training that could appeal even to those of us who, until now, have been disinclined to push ourselves during exercise.

High-intensity exercise, usually in the form of short bursts of very arduous intervals interspersed with rest, has much to recommend it. Many studies have shown that even a few minutes of these intervals can substantially improve health and cardiovascular fitness.

But high-intensity interval workouts have a drawback that is seldom acknowledged. Many people don’t like them and soon abandon the program. 

In a telling study published last year, researchers in New Zealand asked overweight, out-of-shape adults to complete three months of high-intensity interval training, using one of two common types of training programs. One consisted of either four minutes of fast jogging, a rest, and four more minutes of strenuous jogging. The other consisted of 30 seconds of all-out effort, followed by rest, and was repeated three times.

Some of the exercisers’ sessions were supervised, and some were supposed to be done on their own. 

Both programs would have been expected to round the volunteer into much better shape.

They didn’t. Few of the participants became significantly more fit, especially in the 30-second hard interval group. The probable reason, the researchers speculate, was that most of the participants had quit doing most or all of their assigned exercise early on in the study.

This finding and others like it troubled Jens Bangsbo, a professor of physiology at the University of Copenhagen in Denmark, who studies high-intensity interval training. In studies at his lab, repeated hard intervals had almost invariably made people fitter, faster and healthier.

But those studies typically had involved highly motivated athletes riding high-tech stationary bicycles and had been supervised by the scientists, who personally had cajoled the participants to complete each interval. 

Those were hardly real-world circumstances, Dr. Bangsbo realized. 

So he and his colleagues began to wonder if there might be more practical and palatable approaches to high-intensity interval training. 

“We wanted to create a workout that could be employed by everyone, from the nonexperienced person to the elite athlete,” Dr. Bangsbo said. 

After some trial and error, they came up with a candidate routine and named it 10-20-30 training.

It has become my favorite interval program. 

The essentials of 10-20-30 training are simple. Run, ride or perhaps row on a rowing machine gently for 30 seconds, accelerate to a moderate pace for 20 seconds, then sprint as hard as you can for 10 seconds. (It should be called 30-20-10 training, obviously, but that is not as catchy.) Repeat.

The enticements of this particular program are many. It is easy to remember and low-tech, requiring no gym membership, heart rate monitor, or flow chart, as some complicated interval programs seem to demand. You don’t even need a stopwatch to monitor the 30-, 20-, and 10-second time changes. You can, like me, count to yourself, which seems to make the intervals pass quickly.

Perhaps best of all, the grueling, all-out portion of the workout lasts for only 10 seconds, which is far more manageable for most of us than 30 seconds or 4 minutes. 

But of course the program must be effective if scientists are to recommend it. So for a study published in December in The Scandinavian Journal of Medicine & Science in Sports, Dr. Bangsbo and his colleagues set out to test the routine with a large group of average exercisers. 

Approaching running clubs throughout Denmark, the scientists found 132 mostly middle-aged, recreational runners who agreed to substitute 10-20-30 training for two of their usual weekly workouts. 

As a result, their weekly mileage fell by about half. 

The scientists also recruited 28 runners to serve as controls and continue their normal training. 

All of the runners underwent physiological testing at the start of the study, including a simulated 5K race. 

Then the scientists turned the runners loose to continue with or abandon their training as they chose. 

After eight weeks, almost all of the runners in the 10-20-30 group were still following the program. And when they repeated their 5K runs, they had shaved an average of 38 seconds from their times. Most also had lower blood pressure and other markers of improved health. 

There were no changes among the runners in the control group. 

Of course, any regular interval training should improve someone’s athletic endurance and health if it replaces slower training, which is why serious athletes incorporate interval sessions into their regimens. 

But in Dr. Bangsbo’s study, the 10-20-30 program not only allowed the runners to train less while growing faster, it seemed to make the workouts pleasurable.

“The running clubs in our study reported much improved social interactions between members” during the workouts, Dr. Bangsbo said, because when the fastest runners turned around after each set of five 10-20-30 sprints, as most did, they found themselves following the slower runners, who had the satisfaction of being in the lead, at least for the moment. 

You can undertake the program solo, too, or, as I have, with dogs. They are likely to be enthusiasts. This is how they always have run.

If you wish to try 10-20-30 training, Dr. Bangsbo recommends starting by replacing one or two of your normal weekly workouts with a 10-20-30 session.

Warm up with an easy jog (or pedaling or rowing), then ease into the intervals. The 30-second portion should feel relaxed; the next 20 seconds moderately hard; and the final 10 seconds a full gallop. “The aim is to cover as much distance as possible in those 10 seconds,” Dr. Bangsbo said. 

Do five of the 10-20-30 intervals in a row without pause, then rest for two minutes by standing or very slowly walking about. Repeat the five consecutive intervals one more time, cool down, and you are done. The whole session, minus warm-up and cool-down, will have lasted 12 minutes.

If you are already in fine shape, Dr. Bangsbo said, add another set of the five uninterrupted intervals. 

Rest the next day, he said, or very lightly exercise; don’t do two of the intense interval sessions in a row. Although a smaller percentage of runners in the 10-20-30 group sustained injuries than did runners in the control group in his study, “we recommend very slow progress.”"

10 breathtaking beaches - TripAdvisor

I am a fun of TripAdvisor and I use it a lot for all my travel needs so anytime they post something that is fun such as breathtaking beaches, I am interested to not only visit but see them. So here is a link to all the 10 breathtaking beaches. 

Anse Lazio 
Praslin Island, Seychelles



Navagio Beach (Shipwreck Beach) 
Zakynthos, Greece



Eagle Beach 
Aruba, Caribbean

Siesta Key Public Beach 
Florida, US

Bamboo Island
Ko Phi Phi Don, Thailand

Grace Bay 
Providenciales, Turks and Caicos

Pink Sands Beach 
Bahamas, Caribbean


Whitehaven Beach 
Whitsunday Islands, Australia

Radhanagar Beach 
Havelock Island, India
Lanikai Beach 
Hawaii, US  

Learning to Love Yourself and Your Life When You’re Always Single

As a woman who is always single, I had to share this post with all the single ladies out there. To read more, go to Learning to Love Yourself and Your Life When You’re Always Single.

“Focus on loving yourself instead of loving the idea of other people loving you.” ~Unknown
It’ll happen when you least expect it.

Let go. Stop looking and the right person will come along.

You need to love yourself first.

All sensible advice. And yet it can be really annoying. Annoying because it isn’t easy to love yourself when you feel that nobody has ever loved you.

We’re told that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

But what if you really have never loved at all? What then?

I’ve been single pretty much all my life, apart from a few flings that don’t qualify as proper relationships.

For years, I cried and cried, thinking there must be something wrong with me.

Then I’d pretend to be happy like everyone told me I should.

I tried not looking. I tried telling myself that it was better to be single than to be in a bad relationship.

Sooner or later, though, I came back to the same conclusion: I’m on my own. I’ve always been alone. I will always be alone. There’s something seriously wrong with me.

Of course, I didn’t tell anybody all this. I kept it to myself. I didn’t want everyone to know what a loser I was; what a reject I was. Nobody would want me if they knew the truth.

Occasionally, I’d see an article promising to tell me why it’s actually really cool to be single. Then I’d be disappointed to see that the examples given were from people who’d recently split up with someone, and who were getting used to being alone again, trying to embrace the positives.

I didn’t want to appreciate the plusses anymore. I wanted to fall in love, but I kept being told that I needed to fall in love with myself first.

But just how do you get to a place where you love your life and love yourself when you feel that no one has loved you?

The first step is to believe it’s possible.

Well, actually, no, it isn’t. The first step is to entertain the idea that it might be possible. Maybe. Kind of.

If you’re anything like me, you’ll know it isn’t easy to believe love is possible for you if you’ve never experienced it. You can look at yourself in the mirror and say how worthy you are, but there may well be a little voice answering back, “No, you’re not.”

So, go for “maybe” to start with and let’s move from there.

Drop the shame.

If you’ve never had a long-term relationship, it’s too easy to see yourself as a freak, damaged goods—a reject.

The tendency is to keep quiet about it, but this silence only adds to your isolation. When you have the courage to be honest, you may be surprised by the reactions you get.

An advantage of speaking out is that you’re helpable. If you’re honest about your situation, you can begin to find the right teachers, coaches, and guidance to help you feel better about yourself.

You meet or hear of others in the same boat. The more you open up, the more other people will feel comfortable doing the same.

Some people will be amazed. Hearing someone say how shocked they are that you’re (always) single can help you see that there’s nothing wrong with you.

And finally (and perhaps best of all), some people won’t even care. This is perhaps the best reaction you can get because you realize all the shame and embarrassment comes from you.

Resist the urge to compare yourself to others.

In my more bitter moments, I’d get angry about why so-and-so could get a boyfriend and I couldn’t: She’s not attractive, she’s not clever, she’s really annoying. It’s not fair.

Wonder why I was single, huh?

When you have such a negative mindset, it shows in up in your interactions with others. It’s not going to help you attract the kind of relationship you want.

It can also be tempting to look at married couples and those in a relationship and consider the negatives in their lives, trying to convince yourself that at least you don’t have their issues.

This only helps to a certain extent; before long you start to remind yourself of all the good things you’re missing out on, all the amazing relationships that others have and you don’t.

And in any case, do you want your happiness to be dependent on another’s bad fortune?

Try not to compare your situation to anyone else’s. If you see someone happy in their relationship, remind yourself that that’s what you’re going to have one day.

Learn to be by yourself.

Learn to enjoy your own company. Discover what you like to do. Take up a new hobby or learn a new skill.

Think of the type of person you want to attract and work toward becoming that person. What we see in others, good or bad, is a reflection of our own self anyway, so rather than pining for someone to come into your life, work on uncovering that part of yourself.

Use your singlehood as a tool.

What beliefs do you still hold that are preventing you from finding love? Getting in touch with these can open the door to what you need to do to lead a more fulfilling life.

Recently, after many years of personal growth work, I discovered that I was still holding several unpleasant beliefs, such as that I was too shy or inhibited to have a relationship. These beliefs were preventing me from taking any action toward finding a partner.

But that’s not the aim, right? We’re supposed to just love ourselves regardless, aren’t we?

Well, I’m not sure I believe anyone who says they actively don’t want a relationship. We’re human, and as humans it’s natural to want to feel love and affection.

However, taking steps toward finding a partner doesn’t have to mean joining a million dating sites or going speed dating. It can simply mean getting out of the house, getting involved in a community, or as in my case, going dancing—anything that increases the number of people in your life.

Then maybe you’ll meet “the one,” but if you don’t, you’ll have more fun along the way!

Use your singlehood to point to where you are on your path rather than seeing it as something that plagues you, use it as a tool; something that points the way to what you need to do next, until you can fully embrace being you.

Then you may meet someone deserving of the real you. Or maybe not, but perhaps for the first time, you’ll love the person you’re alone with.

Edges! Edges! Why are you Breaking?

The biggest culprit of breaking edges is our styling routines or hairstyles. It would seem that going natural would have eradicated the issue, but it’s not just relaxers that may be the problem.

I love http://www.curlynikki.com/ because of how much she teaches me about natural hair and hair therapy. When I started my natural hair journey back in 2012, I read her blog more than anything else and it has helped me through my natural hair journey. I found this post because i know it resonates with me and so many of us. My edges are still growing and not where I want them to be and sharing this post with you and everyone struggling with edges would be helpful to getting them back. To read more, go to This is why your edges are breaking.
 

Wearing tight styles

This has got to be the biggest contributor to thinning edges. Our hair is versatile and there are tons of styles we like to wear, but unfortunately many of these beautiful styles are created at the mercy to our hair, and especially our edges.

Braid extensions are at the top of the list because they can be too tight. Although they may be ok for the rest of your hair, the hair along the edges is shorter and more fragile than the rest of our hair. Yes, we want the style to last but when we ask for the braider to make them tight, we are doing more harm than saving money.

Micro braids have the potential to cause the most damage, as each braid is tiny and is expected to hold onto a long braid. Even if you somehow manage to keep all of those micro braids in until you remove them, the removal process is traumatizing to the hair and challenging to do without causing any breakage.

Lace front wigs

This is becoming big news especially since Countess, the star of the sitcom The Parkers, publicly shared her disastrous experience of using glue with lace front wigs. She had an allergic reaction to the glue and her hair began falling out at the edges. The attraction to lace front wigs in the illusion of a natural looking hairline that make it appear as though the wig is growing from the scalp.

There is a price for beauty but as more women are finding out, lace front wigs are costing women their edges and their health. Some are becoming allergic to the glue or not allowing ample time in between applications. There is added tension to the hairline to create the illusion and many women have experienced bald or thinning edges as a result.

Leaving chemical treatments on too long

There is a reason products have directions and warning on the labels. They are preventing the consumer heartache and pain but despite the warnings, many women are not taking heed and use products incorrectly with devastating results.

If you want your hair dye to give you a stronger, richer color, then try a bolder color or a higher quality brand instead of leaving the chemicals on longer. We’ve all done it, whether we choose to admit it or not, but keeping a chemical on our tresses longer than the instructed time is not safe even if we don’t see the damaging effects immediately. Since our edges are the most fragile, they are the hairs that most often suffer the consequences of straightening and leaving the color on longer. It’s not worth it.

Satin bonnets

Surprised to see this on the list? Well, I was too until I thought about it and it truly made sense. Some of us are using bonnets with cotton around the edge and the cap can be too tight or rubbing against our hairline. There are satin bonnets with satin edges that are better.

Too much styling product

Yes, back in the day many of us loved slicking down our baby hairs. Oh, I know it ain’t just me! I’ve seen some exaggerated baby hairlines that were the most, but all that gel day in and day out being slapped on your edges is not always healthy. Put down that brush, back away from the slicked down edges, and give your hair a break! The smooth look is not for everyday and your edges need to breathe, so remember you are no longer a baby and neither are your edges.