Amazed and Refreshed in Bali

If you ever watched Julia Roberts, ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ you will definitely remember Bali.  So in November of 2014, I decided to spend my ‘eat, pray, love ‘ in Bali so I can also enjoy what Julia did and maybe meet me a sexy Brazilian man – ohh well that never happened. But everything else did happen.

Known as the island of Bali in Indonesia is year after year voted by the readers of all major travel magazines as one of the most enchanting travel and holiday destination in the whole world. Bali is constantly changing. It’s dynamic. It’s organic.

Bali offers an incredible wide variety of attractions and there are countless reasons why one should come to the Island of the Gods and enjoy an unforgettable holiday. The welcoming nature of the Balinese, the incredible value for money ratio (I became a millionaire) for almost anything the island has to offer, the unique, vibrant and alive culture, the physical beauty of the island, and the year-round pleasant climate make Bali a place regarded by many visitors as the “Ultimate Island Holiday Destination”

First of all, the Bali you encounter when you land at Denpasar Airport is very different from all things you saw in the movie. As many places we all know, its crowded, heavy traffic, beaches of Kuta are trash covered but all the same, very nice place to visit and take time away from work. For me that’s exactly what I needed after the year I had.  By the way, traffic in Bali is crazy – Just another reminder.

Weather in Bali

Bali is approximately 8 degrees south of the equator. So you can expect a tropical, warm and humid climate all year around with two main distinctive seasons: Dry Season and Rainy Season. And the best time to go to Bali? May, June, September. Also, April and October are good. This is because room prices are 30-50% off high season rates, less humid, not too crowded, and cheap airfares.

For me, I visited Bali in November which was good because I was still able to swim and enjoy myself. Just know that it is the season when it starts to rain a lot.

After endless research of places to stay in, I decided ‘Sanur’ was going to be my base and yes, I really did choose well.  I ended up staying in Kamuela Sanur. It is was everything I had dreamed of, small but with luxury that rivals some of the biggest hotels we have around. 

Sanur has developed into a well-known tourist destination. It has a good mix of bars and eateries, it lacks the congested traffic, crowds, and hectic pace of Kuta and Legian. The ocean is calm and good for swimming, the sunrises are breathtaking and the 5km paved beach-path makes it an ideal place for walkers and cyclists.  And this was exactly what I needed. I would wake up everyday at 5.00 am just to see the breathtaking sunrise that Sanur displayed.

You need to know that Sanur has bicycles as its popular mode of transport and they have taxis everywhere but when you stay at a hotel, you can easily hire a driver who will take you everywhere.

I spent 10 days in Bali and I felt like my life had transformed. I visited every place you could think of, Ubud, Denpansar, Legion, Nusa Dua, Seminyak, Kuta and had excellent seafood and enjoyed the beaches of Sanur way more than I could have hoped for. Let us not forget excellent massages and morning yogas that transform how you view life that start from as low as $7.

So what do you do when in Bali?

Visit Places

Seminyak boasts some of the most glorious beaches in Bali. Be sure to catch the legendary sunsets and enjoy the tranquil beauty, and marvel at Balinese ceremonies on the beach, complete with gamelan players and offerings to the gods.

Ubud. Ubud is home to the lush rice terraces, hindu temples and gave me the opportunity to get up-close and personal with monkeys but also the rice terraces.

Nusa Dua is a gated, purpose-built tourist area on the Bukit Peninsula. It is unique to Bali and a bit isolated from the other resort areas on the west and south coast. As an FYI, Nusa Dua attracts luxury travelers, those looking for relaxation and quite content to stay within the local area for the majority of their vacation.

Kuta, known as a place that has the best beaches in Bali, a five-mile stretch of clean sand that is a magnet for surfers and sunbathers. Its such a touristy place with so much partying and night crawlers. Wild Wild at night!

Temples

Traditional religion is very alive in Bali. And Bali has more than 20,000 temples found across the Island of the Gods are the sites of regular rituals, spanning life from birth to death. Balinese temples are unique in architecture and structure and are built according to strict rules. Village organizations make sure that their temples, which are a major part of Balinese life, are beautiful and well maintained, and their attractiveness and deep spiritual power make them popular among visitors.

Taman Ayun Temple was built in 1634 by the King of Mengwi. It is set in the middle of magnificent gardens and ponds and surrounded by a moat, with access via the bridge. It is one of the most beautiful temples in Bali.

Pura Ulun Danau sits on the shore of Lake Bratan, and is the second most important temple complex in Bali. It actually consists of four temples: Lingga Petak, Penataran Pucak Mangu, Terate Bang and Dalem Purwa.

Pura Tanah Lot, a pilgrimage temple, is the most photographed temple in Bali. It sits a few meters offshore on a rock formation and is particularly popular late afternoon for the stunning sunset. At high tide the temple is impossible to reach, but at low tide you can walk to the base of the temple to be blessed by a priest. I loved the feel of my feet on the water here.

Pura Uluwatu sits on top of a cliff edge, 90 meters above the waves below, and the views from here across the Indian Ocean are stunning. Plus, animal lovers will enjoy the forest in front where numerous monkeys live, and who often play around the temple area. FYI, The monkeys will steal anything that strikes their fancy — take care! Wearing a sarong and sash is compulsory. Bring your own

Tirta Empul Temple located at Tampakskiring, just a short drive from Guning Kawi, and is a very easy site to visit as it is relaxing and refreshing. Tirta Empul has a holy spring and many Balinese make a pilgrimage here at least once a year. Plus, holy water from this spring is also taken home and used all over Bali in many Hindu ceremonies where the sprinkling of holy water is essential.

Rice Terraces

Jatiluwih' is the name given to the lush green rice terraces that cover Tabanan. This area is more beautiful than its better-known sister, Tegallalang, and its panoramic views with Mt. Agung and Mt. Batukaru in the background – so beautiful!

Tegalalang Rice Terrace

Absolutely spectacular rice terraces only a short drive from Ubud, with dramatic views and wonderful photo opportunities. The valley is narrow so the terraces are steep as they step down to the Sepat River Valley.

Local Market

Pasar Candi Kuning is a traditional market selling fruit, vegetables and flowers. The produce sold here is locally grown in the rich, fertile fields which benefit from a cooler climate higher up. Here you will find all the exotic fruits of Bali (when in season), and spices in abundance. And always bargain!

Ubud Traditional Art Market

You really can't visit Ubud without at least one trip to the Art Market. Open every day from 8am to 6pm, and located opposite the Ubud Palace (Puri Saren Palace), you will find a range of arts and crafts, home ware, clothing, and other souvenirs here — the large majority of which are made in Indonesia.

Mount Kawi

When in Ubud, your tour cannot be completed without paying a visit to the stunning Gunung Kawi especially if you want to get away from the crowds. The beautifully carved stone temple can be seen across the Pakerisan River (once you get to the bottom of the steps and have crossed the little bridge), and you'll find Hindu monuments carved into the rock face on either side of the river. This is an absolutely beautiful and peaceful monument and is a must see in the area.

And if you are trying to decide where to go to, here are a couple of things to put in mind to help you choose where to stay. 

1. Kuta is wild at night
2. Seminyak has most clubs and beach clubs, more upper class
3. Ubud is laid back, art, small shops, great food, healthylife style, yoga
4. Lembongan Island is easy to get to and like Bali 40 years ago. Paradise
5. Sanur is more quiet, a bit upper class in general, calm beaches, great restaurants at the beach side (pantai sindhu). Lots of live music – My special place.
6. Rainy season, October to February, Dry season March to September
7. Bali (incl. Lembongan) are one of the best surf destinations in the world
8. Amed is the place where most scuba divers stay and where you find the wrecks
9. Nusa Dua, 5 star resort area
10. Jimbaran - seafood restaurants and BBQ directly on the beach, every night (busy, fresh seafood, tasty)
11. Bukit Penisula in the south, surfer's paradise and still a little bit off the beaten track. 
12. Padang Padang Beach, Bingin Beach, Dreamland, Uluwatu, Balangan

So if you are in Bali, remember these things:

1.     Hire a private car and driver for the day to visit places

2.     Bargain and bargain at popular tourist hotsports

3.     Tipping is not a must but you are allowed to

4.     Do not point your finger at anyone

5.     Carry $25 to pay as you exit Bali.

5 Things that Happen When You Embrace Being Alone

For this Super Soul Sunday, I wanted to share with you another post from marcandangel.com that talks about being alone. Here is a link to the post and also below I have been able to get the post for you to read 5 Things that Happen When You Embrace Being Alone.

The reason why I am sharing this post is because I have always embraced my alone time. Even though most of us hate being alone, I have truly embraced it. I love to travel alone, eat at restaurants alone, go to a movie theater alone - why? It is freeing,  strengthens me emotionally, have learned about myself and discovery who I truly am and accepting myself with all my flaws. And I never fear being alone. 

So if those thoughts of being alone are causing you fear for the worst,  remember these 5 Things as written by Marc and Angel:

You develop strengths you need, and didn’t know you had inside you.

Whenever I tell a coaching/course student that they need to embrace being alone, they usually say something like:

“But don’t you think the thought of being alone is scary… to go through life by yourself when you feel uncertain about things?”

Yes, it can be very scary.  And that’s precisely the reason to learn to do it.  Sometimes the scary things are the right things.  Sometimes the situations we don’t want are the ones we need to grow.  

Embracing this may be painful at first, but nothing in life is as painful as staying endlessly stuck in situation you don’t belong simply because you are too scared to walk alone for awhile.

Likewise, it’s always better to learn to stand on your own two legs, rather than have someone carry you around your whole life.  And once you are self-sufficient, then relying on someone else from time to time is an act of strength, not weakness.

So…

Don’t know how to manage your finances and your life? – Start by educating yourself.  Read one book on personal finance, one chapter at a time.  Teach yourself life management skills, one at a time.  Become self-sufficient, gradually.

Don’t know how to defend and protect yourself? – Learn to avoid dangerous situations.  Learn to be aware of your surroundings.  Learn the basics of self-defense.  You’ll feel more and more confident walking alone with each passing day.

Regardless of what skill set you’re trying to strengthen in yourself, the key is to take small, consistent steps in the right direction, day in and day out.

Journeying through life alone is a learning process – you become stronger as you go.  It’s like a kid who can’t find her way home when she’s alone – doing it the first few times is daunting and scary, but in the long run she’s safer and better off having learned the way. 

Your relationships grow stronger and less codependent.

Does learning to be comfortable with being alone mean you can’t be in a relationship?

Not at all.  But if you aren’t comfortable with being alone, then you aren’t going to be comfortable in your relationship either.

Why?

Because you will become codependent.  When your actions and thoughts revolve around another person to the complete disregard of your own needs, that’s codependency, and it’s harmful.  When you set a precedent that someone else is responsible for how you feel at all times (and vice versa), then you both will develop codependent tendencies.  

Suddenly neither one of you is allowed to plan something without getting approval.  All activities – even the mundane things such as watching a TV program – must be negotiated and compromised.  When someone begins to get upset, all personal needs go out the window because it’s now your responsibility to make one another feel better.

The biggest problem with developing these codependent tendencies is that they breed resentment.  Sure, if Angel gets mad at me occasionally because she’s had a crappy day and is aggravated and needs attention, that’s understandable. 

But if it becomes an expectation that my life revolves around her emotional well-being 24/7, then I’m eventually going to become very bitter toward her feelings and desires.

As Jim Rohn once said, “The greatest gift you can give somebody is your own personal development.  I used to say, ‘If you will take care of me, I will take care of you.’  Now I say, ‘I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me.’”

You learn that aloneness does not mean loneliness.

That’s right, being alone does not mean you are lonely, and being lonely does not mean you are alone.

One can be truly lonely in the midst of a crowded room.  Wouldn’t you agree?

Thus, the trouble is not always in being alone – it’s being lonely in the presence of others.

So keep this in mind and choose your relationships wisely.  It’s always better to be alone than to be in bad company.  And when you do decide to come back for someone, do so because you’re truly better off with this person.  Don’t do it just for the sake not being alone.  

You find the intellectual space to support your own decisions.

Everyone you care about does NOT need to support every decision you make.  When you are surrounded by others 24/7, this truth can be hard to embrace.

Friends and family won’t always support your goals, but you must pursue them anyway.  Follow your intuition.  Following your intuition means doing what feels right, even if it doesn’t look or sound right to others.  Only time will tell, but our human instincts are rarely wrong.  

Even if things don’t turn out as you anticipated, at least you will learn what you needed to learn, and you won’t have to spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been.

Ultimately, you know you’re on the right track in life when you become uninterested in looking back, and eager to take the next step, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

You get to mindfully experience more of YOUR life.

One of the hardest challenges we face is to simply live in our own skin – to just be right here, right now, regardless of where we are.  Too often we needlessly distract ourselves with anything and everything: food, booze, shopping, television, tabloid news, online social networks, video games, iPhones, iPads, etc. – basically anything to keep us from being fully present in the current moment.

We use compulsive work, compulsive exercise, compulsive love affairs, and the like, to escape from ourselves and the realities of living.  In fact, many of us will go to great lengths to avoid the feeling of being alone in an undistracted environment.  So we succumb to hanging-out with just about anybody to avoid the feeling of solitude.  

For being alone means dealing with our true feelings: fear, anxiety, excitement, uncertainty, anger, joy, resentment, disappointment, anticipation, sadness, and so on and so forth.

And it doesn’t really matter if our feelings are positive or negative – they are overwhelming and exhausting, and so we prefer to numb ourselves to them.

The bottom line is that every one of us is an addict, and what we are addicted to is avoiding ourselves.  Acknowledging this addiction is the first step to healing it.  So begin again right now by just breathing, alone, and noticing with curiosity, and without judgment, all of the little ways you can simply BE in your own skin, right here, right now, in this present moment we call life.

Closing Thoughts

Solitude can be a scary thing, but it can also be a joyful thing.

You CAN learn to enjoy (and grow from) the times when you’re alone…

You can get to know yourself.  You can do things that rely on very little external influence – reading, writing, walking in the woods, playing guitar, singing in the shower, dancing in your bedroom, learning something new, etc.  

You can discover hidden parts of yourself and the world around you without needing to instantly share it or get someone else’s approval to enjoy it.

Be alone and be at peace.

You deserve it.

Super Soul Sunday and enjoy your week!

Cheers,

Neema

My Latest Wine Favorites

So today I want to talk about two of my latest wine addictions, 2013 Twelve Clones Pinot Noir and The Big Easy Syrah. 

Let’s start with 2013 Pinot Noir Twelve Clones. This wine is from Morgan Winery based out in Monterey County.  The first time I had this wine, my girlfriend had brought it for us to try it as one of her favorite pinots. Immediately, I was blown away. I love wine and granted, its one of my many hobbies but I really have mad love for excellent wines and for me, this is one of them. And I have been spreading joy with family and friends and I have ordered for 6 more bottles to stock up my collection.

This wine is drawn from their vineyards of Santa Lucia Highlands and has the perfect flavor and balanced acidity – Simply delicious! Good thing is, you can find it easily at BevMo and Safeway for about $28 - $34.

And it goes so well with chicken, grilled salmon, duck, beef or lamb so you have a variety. 

A couple of facts to note about the ratings: 

2012 vintage: 90 Points - California Grapevine 2011 vintage: 92 Points - Pinot Report 2010 vintage: 92 Points - Top 100 - Wine Spectator 2009 vintage: 90 Points - Wine Spectator 2008 vintage: Top 25 Most Popular Pinot Noirs - Wine & Spirits Restaurant

History of Acclaim

2013 vintage: 90 Points - California Grapevine

2012 vintage: 91 Points - Wine Enthusiast

2011 vintage: 92 Points - Pinot Report

2010 vintage: 92 Points - Top 100 - Wine Spectator

2009 vintage: 90 Points - Wine Spectator

2008 vintage: Top 25 Most Popular Pinot Noirs – Wine & Spirits Restaurant

The Big Easy

Wow! Wow! Big Bold Syrah is all I can be able to master to describe this wine. Am a member at Fess Parker Winery and the first time we visited, I fell in love with their wines and this one is definitely one of my favs. It is a blend of Syrah, petite sirah and Grenache.

Fess Parker is located in the Santa Ynez Valley in Santa Barbara County. This wine has been constantly rated as one of the best year after year with a rating of 90+ from Wine Advocate and Tasting Panel.

When you taste it, it gives of plenty of dark fruits, full bodied and beautifully balanced with clear aromas and flavors hence why I say it is Bold. So if you are in need of a good Syrah, definitely give Fess Parker – The Big Easy a try, trust me, you won’t be disappointed.

For more information on Morgan Pinot Noir, go to Pinot Noir and for more information on the Big Easy by Fess Parker, go to 2012 Big Easy 

Cheers! 

Green Smoothies

I have been juicing for over a year now and everyday, it gets better. I love the transformation that my body, mind and skin has seen since I started juicing. It has also given me an opportunity to get away with eating certain types of food. But for today, I wanted to share with you a couple of my favorite smoothie blends. All of these have almond milk in them and maybe that's why I love them so much.

Mango and Almond Milk - Blend them all and enjoy a delicious drink on a hot afternoon.

1. Unsweetened Almond Milk
2. Ripe Mango
3. Ice
4. Green Tea ( meant for smoothies)

Fruit Smoothie - Blend them all and I got this recipe from Dr. Oz 48-Hour Weekend Cleanse

1. Unsweetened Almond Milk/Hemp Milk
2. Chia Seeds/Flax seeds
3. Frozen Blueberries
4. Banana
5. Ice

Yum Yum Yum.  This smoothie is perfect as an alternate to lunch. Its loaded with vitamins, proteins and good as a cleanser too.

Beet Smoothie - Who doesn't love beets?

1. Unsweetened Almond Milk
2. Blueberries
3. Strawberries
4. Beets
5. Ice

This is simply delicious after a morning workout. I love this especially when I combine it  all together. Very tasty.

Enjoy and Cheers to being healthy!

DUFL – Travel Concierge

When you live in Southern California especially the bay area aka Silicon Valley, nothing surprises me anymore. In a place where new start-ups are coming up on a daily basis and each better and making our life easier, I was very excited to know about a new company called DUFL. So what is DUFL all about? Apparently, if you are lazy and hate packing for your trips, then this is for you.

They help you pack, wash and iron your clothes and even makes sure that your luggage has the right weight. Well for someone like me, it doesn’t matter because I am good at packing – actually I travel very light.

Even better is the fact that they promise to simplify your travel by shipping your luggage to your travel destination for you – Sweet right? All you need to worry about is your passport and keys and off course, cellphone.

So how does it work?

1. Register with DUFL – They have an app on iTunes and then they will send you a large suitcases and you can fill it with clothes you normally wear when traveling. Then schedule for them to come pick up your suitcase and get it delivered to their warehouse
2. At the storage – they will take inventory, clean and store your clothes for your next trip 
3. When your next trip arrives, just schedule with them – enter your destination and arrival date
4.  Worry free and fly to your destination – don’t worry about anything besides your camera. 
5.  When you arrive at your destination, your bag will be there waiting for you – uhu!
6.  When you are ready to go back home, schedule a pickup, affix appropriate shipping 
7.  When you are ready to go back home, schedule a pickup, affix appropriate shipping label
   and leave your bag with hotel desk
8.  Fly back home, and all you will get is a notification that your clothes are ready for your next trip
9. C'est tout!

What are the costs associated? Introductory price is $9.95 per month for storage and $99 per round trip (a round trip includes shipping to your destination, return shipping to the warehouse and all cleaning fees). If the overnight shipping label is used, a flat fee of $49 will be charged to the card on file.

Also, DUFL is only available for travel within the U.S.

So what are my thoughts as someone who loves to travel so much? I travel frequently and I am a very light travel. So I always don’t need to worry about laundry and all that and most of my luggage is always carry on.

For this interested to see how this works, go to http://www.dufl.com/

Super Soul Sunday - Blessings

"I'm blessed and I thank God for every day for everything that happens for me." Lil Wayne

For this Super Soul Sunday, I wanted to share something personal about me and the blessings I have been able to receive over the last two years and how much life has changed for me.  

In June of 2013, I got a job that changed my life. I made a decision to leave New Jersey where my family and move to Seattle for a job with Amazon. It was a big career move but also a big change in my life. Seattle as we know is not an easy place to live in especially if you are me or someone who hates rain and cloudy weather. And if that's the case, then Washington is not for you.

I started my job hopeful and with a new determination. I have to say that even though it was a good career move, I was not happy. I worked more than I had in over 3 years, I was stressed out 24/7 and to make matters worse, when I slept at night, all I dreamed about was work. I was a nervous wreck and my life was passing me by. Here I am, 28 years old and not Neema. 

So things changed and I decided to take an opportunity and move to California. My mom and mentor asked me if I wanted to move back to the East Coast but I decided that it was not for me. I had always wanted to move to the bay area so when the opportunity came, I took it without thinking twice and I must confess, it has been the best decision that I have ever made.

You see, I am blessed in every way. I know I don't have everything that I want but I have all that I need. Over the last year, I have seen God work miracles one after the other. I have seen God teach me how to let go, how to be more thankful and be able to move on. How to create a life that is full of positivity and gratitude. 

In the process, I have also had some deep things to work through. Losing dear friends, being angry with my family, learning to take care of myself and also the joys of really trusting and believing in God when things look impossible. So have grown yes, and every day, I have challenges that look impossible for me but I remember how far have come and what God has done for me and I am at peace. 

Jennifer Lopez said it best, "I don't regret what I have been through. I have ups and downs, super highs and some really super lows. I have been so blessed that I could never say, 'I wish this didn't happen.'  It's part of who I am. There's nothing in my life that's so ugh.

It has been a year since I moved to the bay area. And granted, it is an expensive place but I have an amazing career which is what I love most. I am a career woman and I always say that I am not cut for marriage and family. Let me not jump the gun, if God wants me to have these two things, then I am more than happy to allow God to bring them into my life. I love what I do every day, the company that I work for is excellent and the people that I have surrounded myself with have been able to make me grow and be a better woman. I have done so much in the last few years. I am proud of myself! I am definately proud of Neema.

Have seen and done way more than I could have hoped for but it has all been God's blessing. That is why I wake up everyday with a grateful heart. Not because of anything but because I am a blessed woman.

It has been a great journey. And I only hope for nothing but the best in the next coming years. So for this Super Soul Sunday, I wanted to take this opportunity to tell you to always believe in the power of Blessings. To look up to God for all those had decisions that you have. To trust God when nothing seems impossible but to also let God do his work in your life. You might feel like things are not working for you and you are not being recognized for your good work but remember to do it 110% and once you have done it, God will make a way. And he always does. I am a living testimony.

Happy Sunday and have a blessed week.

 

marcandangel.com - 10 Friends Worth Fighting For

Today I want to share with you a post from one of my favorite bloggers Marc and Angel from http://www.marcandangel.com/. And in this post, they are talking about friends that are worth keeping. 

As I am growing older, I am reminded that I need to think carefully of the friends I have and keeping them close to me and who I should really fight for. To read more about friends worth fighting for go to 10 Types of Friends Worth Fighting For.

Also, you can be able to read the post here - I took it from their website to share with you.

"1.  Friends who make time for each other.

There are countless intricacies to every great friendship, but the foundation is always incredibly simple: making time for each other.  The key is to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you.  Don’t walk away when the going gets a little tough, don’t be distracted too easily, don’t be too busy or tired, and don’t take them for granted.  Friends are part of the glue that holds life and happiness together.  It’s powerful stuff!

So put down the smart phone, close the laptop and enjoy each other’s company, face to face, the old fashioned way.

There are few joys that equal a good conversation, a genuine laugh, a long walk, a friendly dance, or a big hug shared by two people who care about each other.  Sometimes the most ordinary things can be made extraordinary simply by doing them with the right people.  You know this!  Choose to be around these people, and choose to make the most of your time together.

2.  Friends who are willing to put in the necessary effort.

Healthy, long-term friendships are amazing, but rarely easygoing 24/7.  Why?  Because they require flexibility and compromise.

Two different people will always have two slightly different perspectives about the same situation.  Resisting this truth and seeing the hard times as immediate evidence that something is catastrophically wrong, or that you’re supposed to see eye-to-eye on everything, only aggravates the difficulties.  By contrast, finding the willingness to view the challenges as learning opportunities will give you the energy and strength you need to continue to move forward and grow your friendship for decades to come.

3.  Friends who believe in each other.

Sometimes we see our worst selves…. our most vulnerable and weak selves.  We need someone else to get close enough to tell us we’re wrong.  Someone we trust.  That’s what true friends are for.

Simply believing in another person, and showing it in words and deeds on a consistent basis, can make a HUGE difference in their life.  Several studies of people who grew up in dysfunctional homes but who grew up to be happy and successful show that the one thing they had in common was someone who believed in them.  Be this ‘someone’ for those you care about.  Support their dreams.  Participate with them.  Cheer for them.  Be nothing but encouraging.  Whether they actually follow through with their present dreams, or completely change their minds, is irrelevant; your belief in them is of infinite importance, either way.  (Read The Mastery of Love.)

4.  Friends who face challenges and weaknesses together.

When we honestly ask ourselves which friends have helped us the most, we often find that it’s those special few who, instead of giving lots of advice, specific solutions, or quick cures, have chosen rather to share in our challenges and touch our wounds with a listening ear and a loving heart.

The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of pain and mourning, who can tolerate not knowing or having all the answers, not curing and fixing everything in an instant, and instead simply face the reality of our momentary powerlessness with us, that is a friend worth fighting for.

5.  Friends who are gentle and compassionate through life’s changes.

Be gentle and compassionate with your friends as they evolve and change.  Mother Nature opens millions of flowers every day without forcing the buds.  Let this be a reminder not to be forceful with those you care about, but to simply give them enough light and love, and an opportunity to grow naturally.

Ultimately, how far you go in life depends on your willingness to be helpful to the young, respectful to the aged, tender with the hurt, supportive of the striving, and tolerant of those who are weaker or stronger than the majority.  Because we wear many hats throughout the course of our lives, at some point in your life you will have been all of these people, and the same is true for your friends.

6.  Friends who support each other’s growth.

No human being is your friend who demands your silence or denies your right to grow.

Healthy friendships always move in the direction of personal growth: for the relationship as a whole and for each individual in it.  A desire to impede the growth of the other for one’s personal comfort is an expression of fear.

When you connect with a true friend, this person helps you find the best in yourself.  In this way, neither of you actually meet the best in each other; you both grow into your best selves by spending time together and nurturing each other’s growth.

 

7.  Friends who tell the truth.

Subconsciously, many of us prefer gentle lies to hard truths.  But make no mistake, in the end it’s better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie.  Friendships based on lies always die young.

Lying is a cumulative process too.  So be careful.  What starts as a small, seemingly innocent lie (possibly even with the intention of not hurting anyone) quickly spirals into a mounting fairytale where the biggest factor preventing you from sharing the truth is the unwanted reputation of being known as a liar.

Don’t do this.  Don’t hide behind lies. Deal with the truth, learn the lessons, endure the consequences of reality, and move your friendship forward.

8.  Friends who are tolerant of each other’s inevitable mood swings.

Giving your friends the space to save face, and not taking things personally, when they’re occasionally upset, cranky or having a bad day is a priceless gift.

Truth be told, what others say and do is often based entirely on their own self-reflection.  When a friend who is angry and upset speaks to you, and you nevertheless remain very present and continue to treat them with kindness and respect, you place yourself in a position of great power.  You become a means for the situation to be graciously diffused and healed.

My grandmother once told me, “When somebody backs themselves into a corner, look the other way until they get themselves out; and then act as though it never happened.”  Allowing a friend to save face in this way, and not reminding them of what they already know is not their most intelligent behavior, is an act of great kindness.  This is possible when you realize that people behave in such ways because they are in a place of momentary suffering.  People react to their own thoughts and feelings and their behavior often has nothing directly to do with you.

9.  Friends who work out their issues with each other, not with others.

This may seem obvious, but these days it’s worth mentioning:  NEVER post negatively about a friend on social media.  Fourteen-year-old school kids post negatively about their friends on social media.  It’s a catty way to get attention and vent, when the emotionally healthy response is to talk your grievances over with them directly when the time is right.

Don’t fall into the trap of getting others on your side either, because healthy friendships only have one side – it’s called mutual respect.

Furthermore, friendships and their intricacies don’t always make sense, especially from the outside.  So don’t let outsiders run your friendship for you.  If you’re having an issue with a friend, work it out with THEM and no one else.  (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Relationships” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.) 

10.  Friends who are faithful from a distance.

Sometimes life puts geographic barriers between you and a good friend.  But growing apart geographically doesn’t change the fact that for a long time you two grew side by side; your roots will always be tangled.  Knowing this, embracing it, and making the best of it… that’s a clear sign of true friendship.

In the end, this ‘true’ kind of friendship is a promise made in the heart – silent, unwritten, unbreakable by distance, and unchangeable by time. "

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